"Well, here I am. Sitting on the hood of my old car watching the waves hit the beach off San Diego. It's early, and the sun has just barley entered the horizon. I'm sitting here, feeling more alone then ever, and trying so hard to excape my pain. My lonelyness, and my guilt, and memories too. It's been a long few days since I left Utah, and the House Of Blues. It feels like an eternity has passed, and yet it feels like Charlie was here with me laughing and joking only yesterday. I've been listening to nothing but Oasis since I left. It was his favorite band, and I guess in a way has become mine. This journal I'm writing in is full of their lyrics. And funny stories about Charlie. I miss him. Every day is hard without him. I know he changed a lot in the last few months that I knew him, but that all seems so irrelavent now. I thought time was suposed to heal all wounds. Why is it making every day harder and harder instead?"
I wrote that my first morning in Califorina. I guess it somewhat explains the title of my sotry. After all, it is as much about Charlie as it is about me. I remember sitting on my car that morning and watching the sun rise. There was no one else around, and it felt like I was alone in the whole world. Like some great monster had awoken in the night and swollowed up every living being. I wished a monster would swollow me, and all the pain I was in at that moment. As soon as the sun was up I noticed the first signs of life. Seagulls were in the air, and I saw a group of surfuers toting their boards to the beach. I sighed and remembered I didn't even have a place to stay. All I had was a car full my stuff. I got back in my car and decided to figure out where I was going to be living. My stomach groweled, and I realized i hadn't eaten much at all since I had left Utah. I decided that should be my first priority.
I found a diner on a corner not far from the beach. I walked in, and a waitress waived for me to just find a seat. I saw a booth in the corner and sat down. The place was pretty empty, only a few elderly people were sitting around sipping coffee. I ordered a muffin and a cup of coffee then called my friend Luke while I waited for it. "Hey Robyn. We miss you here." He said as soon as he answered the phone. "Hey Luke. I'm in San Diego. I'm still not sure if this is my final destination or not." I told him. "How are you?" He asked. "Alive." I said. "So, what is California like?" He asked. "Not sure. This is my first stop since the border with Arizona. The beach is amazing." I told him. "I'll have to come see it for myself one day." He said. "Robyn, are you sure you're okay? We're all real worried about you back here?" He asked. "Yeah, I'm okay I guess." I told him. "How is everyone?" "They're all okay. We all miss you. Will stops by every once in a while with a few of his friends." He said. "Well, listen, my food is here. I'll give you a call later, okay." "Okay. Take care of yourself. We don't need to lose another friend." He said, and we hung up. I wished he hadn't said that, it made me think of Charlie and tear up. I drank my coffee, and picked at my muffin. I guess I wasn't that hungry after all.
Driving around San Diego was amazing, and exciting. I found a small apartment that wasn't too far from the beach. It was tiny, and double what I payed for my two bedroom back in Utah, but I didn't care. I was still a partial owner of The House Of Blues Bar back home, and had the money. I was lucky enough to get the keys that day, and spent the morning unloading my car and unpacking everything. I looked around, and realized didn't have much. It was a studio apartment, and pretty small. My futon doubled as a bed and couch. I had a TV, a laptop, and that was about it for the living room. The kitchen was small too, but I didn't need anything big. When I got everything unpacked I decided to take a walk along the beach. I changed into a t-shirt, and a pair of jeans and fished around my closet for a sweatshirt. I found an old one of Charlies that I had borrowed, and never gave back to him. I smelled it, and put it on. I felt really happy wearing it. I smiled, as I locked up the apartment and crossed the street to get to the beach.
It was overcast, and a little nippy outside, but I was enjoying it. I took my flip-flops off and tucked them into the back of my jeans so I could feel the sand between my toes. It was the first time in a while that my mind was clear, and I wasn't overcome with emotions or memories. I breathed in the salty crisp air, and felt the cool breeze blow on my face and through my hair. I closed my eyes for just a second, and then felt a huge bolt of pain in the back of my head! The next thing I remembered was opening my eyes and seeing a small group of people around me. I was laying on my back in the sand, and there was a guy standing directly over me. "Hey, are you okay?" He asked me. "What the fuck just happened?" I mumbled. "Oh, this one's got a mouth on her, she does." I heard another guy say. A girl smacked him. "Sorry about Trev. He's an asshole." The first guy said. I sat up and shook sand out of my hair. "I'm Simon. I hit you in the head with the football." He said, holding up his football. "Well, that wasn't very nice of you." I told him, and rubbed my head. "God, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" He asked. He looked sweet, and innocent, and I felt this urge to mess with him. "I'm sorry, what was your name again? What's my name? God, I don't remember anything." I said, looking around. "Who the fuck are all you people?" I asked, trying to sound really scared. His face turned white. "Oh my god! We have to get you to the hospital!" He said, and turned around I couldn't help but grin. All his friends caught on, and played along. "Dude, you've really done it this time." Trev said. "Yeah. You are so fucking screwed. You've completely ruined this girls life!" A blonde girl said, and started laughing. Simon was so caught up in the situation though, he didn't notice. He turned back around, picked me up, threw me over his shoulder, and started running towards one of the parking lots. All his friends called after him, and started running to catch up to him. "STOP! Put me down!" I said, laughing. "You're hurt! I need to get you to the hospital! It's only two minutes away!" He shouted. "STOP!" I screamed. He stopped running, but still had me over his shoulder. "Put me down." I said, giggling. He did, and I got an amazing look at him. He was blonde, and really short hair and amazing bright blue eyes. He was thin, and in pretty good shape. All he was wearing were bright green swim trunks, so I was able to see his Tattoos. He had one on his chest of what looked like the biohazard simbol, but on closer examination I noticed it was a kind of tribal knot. He had one his arm too of cartoonish skull and crossbones. "Well?" He asked me. I realized I had been staring at him the whole time. "Oh! SORRY! I'm fine, I was just playing with you. My name is Robyn." I told him, holding out my hand. He just stared at me. "So you're okay?" He asked. "Yes. I'm so sorry. That was rude of me to mess with you like that." I told him. "It's okay. Not very funny, but it's okay." He said, looking serious. "Oh, sorry." I said, feeling kind of bad. "My sister got killed from a football to the head." He told me looking away. "Oh my god! I'm such a jerk." I said, and he started laughing. "Now we're even." He said, and shook my hand. I started laughing too. His friends had caught up to us by that point. "That was pretty funny. What's your name?" Trev asked me. "I'm Robyn, I'm new here. Nice to meet you guys." I said, waiving. "I'm Connie." The blonde girl said, waiving. "And this is Pete. He's a little shy." She said, pointing to a kind of heavy set guy with dark brown hair. He just smiled and waived. "So, where are you from?" Trev asked. "I'm from Utah." I told him. "Wow! What the fuck brought you out here?" He asked, and Connie smacked him again. "Ow! Fuck, what?" He asked her. "Be nice, or no love for you tonight." She told him. Simon laughed. "You two never stop, do you?" Simon told them. "So what does bring you here?" He asked me. "Uh, I guess you could say I'm getting away from my past." I said, feeling a little uncomfortable. I wasn't realy ready to talk about Charlie, or any of it, especially with strangers. "Well, what do you say we all go get a bite of food at Joey's? We can get to know you a little better." Simon said, looking at me. I smiled. "Sure." I said. "You can ride with me." He said, and I looked away. I wasn't really ready for dating or flirting or anything. At that time I was still having a tough time with memories of Charlie. Even of Luke and Will. I figured I could always use new friends though. "Okay." I said, after a long pause. "Oh geeze, you're making her feel uncomfortable! She can ride with Trev and I, you take Pete." Connie said. "Okay, okay. Lets go!" Simon said. I squeezed in Trev's El Camino, and Pete and Simon left in Simon's Jeep. I'll never forget that day, or my new group of friends.
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"Well, here I am. Sitting on the hood of my old car watching the waves hit the beach off San Diego. It's early, and the sun has just barley entered the horizon. I'm sitting here, feeling more alone then ever, and trying so hard to excape my pain. My lonelyness, and my guilt, and memories too. It's been a long few days since I left Utah, and the House Of Blues. It feels like an eternity has passed, and yet it feels like Charlie was here with me laughing and joking only yesterday. I've been listening to nothing but Oasis since I left. It was his favorite band, and I guess in a way has become mine. This journal I'm writing in is full of their lyrics. And funny stories about Charlie. I miss him. Every day is hard without him. I know he changed a lot in the last few months that I knew him, but that all seems so irrelavent now. I thought time was suposed to heal all wounds. Why is it making every day harder and harder instead?"
I wrote that my first morning in Califorina. I guess it somewhat explains the title of my sotry. After all, it is as much about Charlie as it is about me. I remember sitting on my car that morning and watching the sun rise. There was no one else around, and it felt like I was alone in the whole world. Like some great monster had awoken in the night and swollowed up every living being. I wished a monster would swollow me, and all the pain I was in at that moment. As soon as the sun was up I noticed the first signs of life. Seagulls were in the air, and I saw a group of surfuers toting their boards to the beach. I sighed and remembered I didn't even have a place to stay. All I had was a car full my stuff. I got back in my car and decided to figure out where I was going to be living. My stomach groweled, and I realized i hadn't eaten much at all since I had left Utah. I decided that should be my first priority.
I found a diner on a corner not far from the beach. I walked in, and a waitress waived for me to just find a seat. I saw a booth in the corner and sat down. The place was pretty empty, only a few elderly people were sitting around sipping coffee. I ordered a muffin and a cup of coffee then called my friend Luke while I waited for it.
"Hey Robyn. We miss you here." He said as soon as he answered the phone.
"Hey Luke. I'm in San Diego. I'm still not sure if this is my final destination or not." I told him.
"How are you?" He asked.
"Alive." I said.
"So, what is California like?" He asked.
"Not sure. This is my first stop since the border with Arizona. The beach is amazing." I told him.
"I'll have to come see it for myself one day." He said. "Robyn, are you sure you're okay? We're all real worried about you back here?" He asked.
"Yeah, I'm okay I guess." I told him. "How is everyone?"
"They're all okay. We all miss you. Will stops by every once in a while with a few of his friends." He said.
"Well, listen, my food is here. I'll give you a call later, okay."
"Okay. Take care of yourself. We don't need to lose another friend." He said, and we hung up. I wished he hadn't said that, it made me think of Charlie and tear up. I drank my coffee, and picked at my muffin. I guess I wasn't that hungry after all.
Driving around San Diego was amazing, and exciting. I found a small apartment that wasn't too far from the beach. It was tiny, and double what I payed for my two bedroom back in Utah, but I didn't care. I was still a partial owner of The House Of Blues Bar back home, and had the money. I was lucky enough to get the keys that day, and spent the morning unloading my car and unpacking everything. I looked around, and realized didn't have much. It was a studio apartment, and pretty small. My futon doubled as a bed and couch. I had a TV, a laptop, and that was about it for the living room. The kitchen was small too, but I didn't need anything big. When I got everything unpacked I decided to take a walk along the beach. I changed into a t-shirt, and a pair of jeans and fished around my closet for a sweatshirt. I found an old one of Charlies that I had borrowed, and never gave back to him. I smelled it, and put it on. I felt really happy wearing it. I smiled, as I locked up the apartment and crossed the street to get to the beach.
It was overcast, and a little nippy outside, but I was enjoying it. I took my flip-flops off and tucked them into the back of my jeans so I could feel the sand between my toes. It was the first time in a while that my mind was clear, and I wasn't overcome with emotions or memories. I breathed in the salty crisp air, and felt the cool breeze blow on my face and through my hair. I closed my eyes for just a second, and then felt a huge bolt of pain in the back of my head! The next thing I remembered was opening my eyes and seeing a small group of people around me. I was laying on my back in the sand, and there was a guy standing directly over me.
"Hey, are you okay?" He asked me.
"What the fuck just happened?" I mumbled.
"Oh, this one's got a mouth on her, she does." I heard another guy say. A girl smacked him.
"Sorry about Trev. He's an asshole." The first guy said. I sat up and shook sand out of my hair.
"I'm Simon. I hit you in the head with the football." He said, holding up his football.
"Well, that wasn't very nice of you." I told him, and rubbed my head.
"God, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" He asked. He looked sweet, and innocent, and I felt this urge to mess with him.
"I'm sorry, what was your name again? What's my name? God, I don't remember anything." I said, looking around. "Who the fuck are all you people?" I asked, trying to sound really scared. His face turned white.
"Oh my god! We have to get you to the hospital!" He said, and turned around I couldn't help but grin. All his friends caught on, and played along.
"Dude, you've really done it this time." Trev said.
"Yeah. You are so fucking screwed. You've completely ruined this girls life!" A blonde girl said, and started laughing. Simon was so caught up in the situation though, he didn't notice. He turned back around, picked me up, threw me over his shoulder, and started running towards one of the parking lots. All his friends called after him, and started running to catch up to him.
"STOP! Put me down!" I said, laughing.
"You're hurt! I need to get you to the hospital! It's only two minutes away!" He shouted.
"STOP!" I screamed. He stopped running, but still had me over his shoulder.
"Put me down." I said, giggling. He did, and I got an amazing look at him. He was blonde, and really short hair and amazing bright blue eyes. He was thin, and in pretty good shape. All he was wearing were bright green swim trunks, so I was able to see his Tattoos. He had one on his chest of what looked like the biohazard simbol, but on closer examination I noticed it was a kind of tribal knot. He had one his arm too of cartoonish skull and crossbones.
"Well?" He asked me. I realized I had been staring at him the whole time.
"Oh! SORRY! I'm fine, I was just playing with you. My name is Robyn." I told him, holding out my hand. He just stared at me.
"So you're okay?" He asked.
"Yes. I'm so sorry. That was rude of me to mess with you like that." I told him.
"It's okay. Not very funny, but it's okay." He said, looking serious.
"Oh, sorry." I said, feeling kind of bad.
"My sister got killed from a football to the head." He told me looking away.
"Oh my god! I'm such a jerk." I said, and he started laughing.
"Now we're even." He said, and shook my hand. I started laughing too. His friends had caught up to us by that point.
"That was pretty funny. What's your name?" Trev asked me.
"I'm Robyn, I'm new here. Nice to meet you guys." I said, waiving.
"I'm Connie." The blonde girl said, waiving. "And this is Pete. He's a little shy." She said, pointing to a kind of heavy set guy with dark brown hair. He just smiled and waived.
"So, where are you from?" Trev asked.
"I'm from Utah." I told him.
"Wow! What the fuck brought you out here?" He asked, and Connie smacked him again. "Ow! Fuck, what?" He asked her.
"Be nice, or no love for you tonight." She told him. Simon laughed.
"You two never stop, do you?" Simon told them. "So what does bring you here?" He asked me.
"Uh, I guess you could say I'm getting away from my past." I said, feeling a little uncomfortable. I wasn't realy ready to talk about Charlie, or any of it, especially with strangers.
"Well, what do you say we all go get a bite of food at Joey's? We can get to know you a little better." Simon said, looking at me. I smiled.
"Sure." I said.
"You can ride with me." He said, and I looked away. I wasn't really ready for dating or flirting or anything. At that time I was still having a tough time with memories of Charlie. Even of Luke and Will. I figured I could always use new friends though.
"Okay." I said, after a long pause.
"Oh geeze, you're making her feel uncomfortable! She can ride with Trev and I, you take Pete." Connie said.
"Okay, okay. Lets go!" Simon said. I squeezed in Trev's El Camino, and Pete and Simon left in Simon's Jeep.
I'll never forget that day, or my new group of friends.
***
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